THE INSANITY OF MY MIND

Recollections of the Past, Present and Future

2011-03-08T00:09:00.001-08:00

Is anything I do ever going to be enough?
Can I be the best I can be?
My fear is my limitation
I am to scared of what is out there
I fear of others reactions
Laughing
Embarrassment
Humiliation
Who am I?
One in a billion
What makes me, ME?
Talkative
People person
Reading books
Drawing
Imagining
Others are like me
But no one can take the place of me
What is my footprint on the world?
I want to help people
Being a nurse
Impacting someone’s life
I forget the lives I have impacted
Friends
Family
Loved ones
All imprinted on my heart
That’s my footprint
Being in someone else’s heart
Nothing fancy
Not being on a front page
Not being written in history
Just being a part and affecting
Someone else’s life
Making a difference to one person
Is all that I want in the end

Procrastination

2010-12-15T09:58:00.000-08:00

I feel everything bottled up inside
I feel like I am losing my mind
Feeling sick
Miss school
More homework
Everything piles up
I need to do this
I need to do that
I am so stressed out
I don’t have the time
I wish I could freeze time
And take a breath
Then do everything I need to do
Unfreeze time
I am all caught up
Ready for finals
I don’t feel stressed
If I could only freeze time

Mold and Plaster

2010-12-15T09:49:00.000-08:00

I feel ignored
I feel alone
In my own little world
Watching everyone else
Talk and react
I am on the sidelines
Not in the game
Not important
I laugh
I smile
No one can see
The true me
I hide behind
My mask of solitude
I try to do nothing wrong
I try to be nice
I do not want to upset you
I do not want to be angry
When you are upset and angry
I feel lost
I tried my best
My mask starts to falter
I cannot let anyone see
If I do they will judge
Being hated is scary
I care about what people think
I need to step back into the mold and plaster
To make a new me

Hate

2010-06-11T12:48:00.000-07:00

I hate your superior attitude
You hate it when things don’t go your way
I hate it when you don’t respect me
You hate it when I don’t agree with you
I hate it when you don’t listen to me
You hate it when I get angry
I hate it when we get into fights
You hate it when I don’t admit I am wrong
I hate your smartalec remarks
You hate it when I don’t give in
I hate that you’re immature
You hate that I don’t want to do things you want to do
I hate the fact that you don’t know when to shut up
You hate it when I argue
I hate it when you’re stubborn
You hate that I change my mind
I hate that you always think your right
You hate that I get dramatic
I hate that you don’t care about anyone’s feelings
You hate that I get pigheaded
I hate that you don’t follow the rules
You hate that I follow the rules
I hate that I am always wrong according to you
You hate that I stand up for myself
I hate that I am a bad friend according to you
You hate that I’m too emotional
I hate how selfish you are
You hate that I actually care
I hate that you don’t give a damn about this friendship
But most of all
I hate that I hate you at all

Possessed

2009-02-05T19:26:00.000-08:00

I can
Feel you
Inside me
Taking over

I am losing control

I am
Not
Myself

I can
Feel you
Controlling
My Actions

You’re taking over

You’ve taken
All of
My strength

I lost control

I don’t
Feel you
Anymore

For you are
.
.
.
ME

~This poem can be read as a song. I was singing randomly and that is how I got this song/poem.~

Systematic Chaos

2009-02-05T18:55:00.000-08:00

“Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.

“So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.”

“A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.”

“Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about”

“We are the music makers... and we are the dreamers of dreams.”

“To believe in one's dreams is a manifestation of insanity.”

“A thing of beauty is a joy forever”

“So shines a good deed in a weary world”

“He lived happily ever after”

“She was a bad egg.”

“Help. Police. Murder.”

~Quotes are from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I do not own them! This is a Found Poem I was told to do about a book, movie, etc... in Poetry Club. Thank you.~

Paint Your Future

2008-12-04T14:44:00.000-08:00

Choice is like artwork
Completely yours to make

A pearl white canvas
Waiting to be covered with your thoughts

Paint yourself
Sketch the future

Each fork in the road
Is presented in your picture

You chose which path to follow
You choose which life you want to live

Artwork

2008-12-03T18:12:00.000-08:00

I also enjoy making art so i got a Deviant ART which displays all my art. If you would like you can go and see my drawings. I am in the process of putting more up right now so there should be more coming. My site is called insanity-of-reality.
ENJOY!
http://insanity-of-reality.deviantart.com/

Blind

2008-11-17T18:47:00.000-08:00

A young girl sat in a dark corner

Turned towards a tarnished mirror

A pale sunken in face

Dark purple and black rings around her closed eyes

She didn’t look human, she didn’t even look alive

She was a monster

One pair of eyes flashed open

Causing one’s thoughts to betray themselves

Her crystal blue eyes danced with the life of a new born child

Unknowing to the hatred and betrayal the world could cause

Her pure eyes showed the snowy landscape of her soul

Untarnished by the blood of truth

Glares of loathing

Smirks of hatred

Went unnoticed

She sought to find the truth in the world

Like the Magi searching for baby Jesus the night he was born

A sphere impenetrable by the snake of society

She sought to find

Answers to questions never asked

The light within the darkness

Why blood mixed with water

The sphere wouldn’t break no matter how hard the snake attacked

The snake never relented

The sphere broke and was bit

She had found the truth

The reasons no one knew were found

They wanted to be normal

Nothing differentiating them

Destroying the abnormal monsters for what they were

Even if normal was not normal at all

They did not wanted to be destroyed

She finally saw the truth

Her soul, pristine like layers of white fallen snow

Melted with the truth of betrayal

The Silent Question

2008-11-17T18:40:00.000-08:00

The world is corrupt
Silently dying
We are the killers
Oily water
Bloodied snow
Polluted skies
Acid rain melting everything created
All the good and bad in the world
Were destroying the world
Shouldn’t we nurse it back to life?

Each of us is different
Strengths and weaknesses
We are all human
Imperfect
We each have a choice
To remain ignorant
Or to make an impact

“Is there anything I can do about anything at all?”
“Out of the doubt that fills my mind”
Solutions will be created
Scorned and insulted
“Nowhere is the dreamer or the misfit so alone”
We can all make a difference

We have been carved by the cruelty of this world
Our souls tainted by the hands of others
And I wonder
Can one person really make an impact?
Change the way we think and act?
Will they revolutionize the human race?
In the end will it truly matter?

Figmant of My Imagination

2008-10-17T12:08:00.000-07:00

A howl was heard breaking the still of the night like lightning through darkened skies
The sun hid in fear behind grey pillows of cumulus clouds
A fog covered the ground but a figure could faintly be seen
A lady clad in elegant Victorian style dress stood there
She clutched her breasts
She had a secret that she kept locked inside her chest
A secret that could break the harmony of the world
She was a vampire
Vampires were to never exist
She was the darkness in the rainbow
And the blood on the soldiers
She was not living but she lived
She could not love but she could be loved
A marionette on stage being toyed with by the masters of fate
Dark red eyes showed the harshness the world could do
She saw people for who they really were
Lazy, self-indulgent people who cared for only themselves
They would take what they wanted and leaving in their wake pain and misery
They wanted to know her secret
Suddenly she laughed hysterically with a melodious voice
She would never tell
It would be locked inside her for all eternity
Decaying like a rotten corpse
The sun started to creep up the horizon
This was the moment she had waited for
The moment to end all her suffering and pain
The moment she would be free
rays of sun light shot above the horizon
Blinding everything
And where the lady once stood
There was nothing
Except the whispering wind

The Pain of Leaving

2008-09-03T19:34:00.000-07:00

As I sit here thinking about you
I wonder if you are thinking about us
I think about all the good times
The bad times can not seep into my head
I wonder if I can hold up
Through all these long months ahead
When I can’t see your face or hear you voice
I miss you so
Please come back
I want to make you proud
I wear the bracelet you gave me
So you’re always with me
Nothing can mend this hole in my heart
Except for you
I want you back
I want this to be over
I sit here and cry
As I realize
If this is just the first day
How much pain are the other days going to have?

Fairy Tales Don't Come True

2008-07-24T16:04:00.000-07:00

We met on one fated day
It felt as if
Our lives would never be the same
Our destinies would be intertwined
We had become one person
Yet we were still two different people

We faced many things together
You and I
We faced unbearable losses,
Unforgettable friends,
Distrustful and dishonest people

But we made it through all those times
All the good days
That hid the shadow of the bad
We held and comforted each other
We were inseparable
Until that day

That day which everything we had ended
When everything we had
Was ripped out of our very souls

After that dreadful day I can’t help but notice
I can’t replace the ache in my heart
And I wonder if you have replaced yours

Hereditary

2008-05-20T20:28:00.000-07:00

Ancestors leaving their home land in search of a better land
Each time they go they leave a part of their history and heritage behind
Eventually everyone will leave for a better place
Not caring about their own land
Their heritage will be lost for all eternity
--No one to know about them
--No religion
--No secret language
--Nothing saying they existed
Their monuments withered away by the sand and the wind
Fertile soil taken away by droughts
Family pictures broken and burnt
Lives forgotten
But no one knows
---no one cares

Betrayal

2008-03-10T22:06:00.000-07:00

Your friend grabs your heart

Rips it out of your chest

And stabs you in the back with the cold silver blade of a knife

You feel so alone

So vulnerable

With no one to help you

You feel what it is like to be betrayed and left to die

High School

2007-11-30T20:50:00.000-08:00

Easy to get drugs
Constant fights
Abusive drinking
Irresponsible actions
Fake rumors
Sexual intercourse
And
Stupid hormones
Making everything worse

Two words for this monstrosity:
High school

Jasmine

2007-11-20T16:45:00.000-08:00

She was so young and fair
Shades of red on her cheek
Golden is her hair
Strangely unique

One day she was fine
Joyous as can be
Then it was her time
To be set free

It was so sudden
Like a heart attack
Had I heard it comin’
And knew how to react

But now she’s here
With dirt upon her breast
And flowers placed with care
Never more a breath from her chest

Equivalent Exchange

2007-08-05T12:38:00.000-07:00

Is there such a thing as equivalent exchange?
When what we give and gain is equal?

Does the Laws of Conservation of energy and matter
And Newton’s laws not make equivalent exchange possible?

Equivalent exchange can exist in our hearts

We may not always see what we gained
But it happens inside of us

We can gain: Knowledge, pride, self-esteem, and respect

Equivalent exchange happens wither you are aware of it or not

Equivalent exchange is inside all of us
Some more then others,
But still in all of us

Some choose to awaken equivalent exchange inside of them
Others it just happens to awake inside them

Equivalent exchange is part of the world
Part of us

Flowers

2007-07-12T15:43:00.000-07:00

The wind blows

Pulling the past along with it

Leaving the future to bloom

On the flowers of life

Scenes From A Galactic Memory

2007-06-07T14:23:00.000-07:00

The planets going in a elliptical path
Changing as time goes on
These are scenes from a galactic memory

A peaceful planet
Shatters
Like a china plate on the floor

An earthquake
Destroys life
Buildings crumble
The Heavens meet Hell
All is combined
Into one enormous catastrophe
All in chaos

These are scenes from a galactic memory

Other extra terrestrials take no notice
All keeps going
Unmoved by all the death
Unchanged by what has happened
Soon it will be their turn
To die out of the universe

Scenes from a galactic memory
Painful scenes
Coated with blood and ash
Nothing left after these catastrophes
Soon the galaxy will follow the planets and stars
Into oblivion
Where all things are bound to go

These are the devastating scenes from a galactic memory

Caught in the Middle

2007-06-04T17:50:00.000-07:00

The cool blue water splashed against my face
My friend was flicking water at me
We each were 9 years old
We were at the huge pool on base
This pool was the size of two houses
It was around three o’clock in the afternoon
We were playing in the middle of the pool
We were heading towards the many
Light blue slides they had
The slides looked so cool
But only big kids could ride them
We wanted to but couldn’t
We went under the rope that divided
The deep and shallow parts
The pool had many, many people in it
They dove in front of us
Jumped behind us
And swam next to us
Water hit us from every direction
It was overpowering
We swan like a shark was after us
We didn’t want to be hit by water or people anymore
Once we were in the middle of the deep end
We swim around
We chased each other
Then CRASH!
Someone landed right on top of my friend
He was around 14 years old
He had short brown hair and strong features
My friend went down from all the weight
I swam in a circle trying to see her
Fear gripped my heart
She had to be okay
I couldn’t stand my friend drowning
Never had the water been so evil to me
My friend had a brush with Death
Death’s cold, white boney fingers
Took a hold of her and started taking her away
Luckily the guy who landed on her
Went down and grabbed her
She was taken from the corpse like person
Called Death
Once out of the evil pool
She coughed and spat water
The cool liquid landed on me
I looked distain fully at it
I could see she had been as scared as me
She was crying cold, wet tears of fear
I didn’t blame her for crying
She nearly escaped Death
She was then on afraid of the water
I too was afraid of the water
We each looked at our surroundings
When ever we were in the pool
Neither of us wanted another brush with
The ghastly person called Death.

Drugs

2007-05-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

I took the drug
It’s my own fault
I was only going to do it once
But everyone knows
Once you do it the devil has you
You can’t break free
I swore I wasn’t going to use needles
But I did
Now I have built up a tolerance
I have to use more and more
Putting myself more at risk of dying

I feel bugs under my skin
I can’t see them
But I know they are there
They crawl up and down my body
I grab a sharp, thin bladed knife
I pick at my own skin
My teeth are rotted and gone
My gums are black and bleeding
I can’t stop myself form taking this drug
I need it to survive

I would do anything for this drug
I slept with a man
Now I have an STD
I have HIV
I swore I’d never sleep with someone for drugs again
But in the end
The drugs take a hold of you and never let’s go
I did sleep with another man
Little did he know
I gave him HIV
I always thought I’d never steal
Until I did
I took money from family members
And friends
I stole from everyone possible
I bought more and more drugs from my dealer

Until one day I was locked up in jail
I look back and saw what the drug did to me
It ruined my life
I became violent
I was ugly
I did what ever the drug told me to
The drug became my life
Nothing else mattered
I didn’t care if I hurt someone
I just wanted to feel good again
That drug made me feel good again

Once I was out of jail
I found my dealer
I bought some more drugs
In the morning I was found
Leaning against a silver trash can
In a dark, dirty ally
With packets that once contained the drug
Around me
I died of an overdose
The drug took over my life and ruined it
I will never know what I could have been
Only what should of been

Elijah

2007-05-21T20:52:00.000-07:00

A young girl named Elijah
Was taken from her family when she was young
To a place she has never seen
Let alone heard of
In this barren desert like place
She is different
She has short, curly, blond hair,
Crystal blue eyes
And a pale, small body with gentle, fragile features
Everyone else in this place
Has long, straight brown hair,
Dark brown eyes, and are big boned
She wasn’t as smart as everyone else
Or as fast as everyone else
She didn’t belong

After Elijah arrived she found a cardboard box
And called it her home
To most it was just an old, beaten cardboard box
But to Elijah it was home
Her home

Elijah was molested, beaten, and teased
After she came to this new place
She hated herself for being different
She had a low self esteem
She then learned she was different for a reason
She knew she would have to be self sufficient
She had to learn everything
From watching others and experimenting on her own

Once Elijah was old enough to go to school
She went and underwent more teasing and beatings
But she always came back the next day
She wanted to prove to everyone she could succeed
Even if she was different
Elijah became more confident
She pushed even harder

One day when Elijah was walking home from school
Some gangsters were driving around
All the gangsters had brown hair and brown eyes
And were big boned
They had guns and grenades
They drove towards Elijah
Elijah didn’t see or hear them coming
The gangsters took out a gun and shot
They shot her in the arm
She fell and clutched her arm
Her arm was broken, bleeding, and useless
She tried and painfully got up
She grabbed her notebooks with her other arm
And tried stumbled on
She wanted to prove to them she wasn't scared
The gangsters took another shot
This time hitting her in the leg
Elijah cried out in agony
The gangsters laughed an evil laugh
They watched and laughed as Elijah wince and cried in pain
She laid her head on the cold, blood stained concrete
Her leg and arm had dark red blood gushing out
She tried to stand up one more time
She made it
As soon as she stood up
The gangster with the gun put the scope up to his eye and aimed
The shot her went into the back of her head
They turned and fled laughing as they left
Elijah’s cold, blood covered, dead body was left there

No one paid attention to her

Elijah never got a proper burial
She was thrown in the trash along with the garbage
Elijah never got to experience the joys of life
Because Elijah was different

Who I Am

2007-05-21T19:37:00.000-07:00

Pencils can’t write what I feel
Talking can’t say what I mean
Art can’t show what I want
What can show me for who I am?
I am a blank canvas waiting to be painted
I am story waiting to be written
I am something coming from nothing
I am me
And there is no person just like me
No copies made in a cubicle at work
No rough drafts in someone’s computer
I am who I am
No one else is

My Favorite Place

2007-05-21T15:56:00.000-07:00

Where the water meets the dock
That’s my favorite place
Where the road meets the grass
That’s my favorite place
Where the trees are tall
And covered with variety of bugs
Surrounding a big purple house
That overlooks the water in front of the mountains
That’s my favorite place
In front of the house is a
Blue specked hot tub
Where we looked at the stars
On nights when the sky was clear
That’s my favorite place
Where there are an abundance of flowers
Lilacs, Daffodils, Tulips, and Peonies
They all smell wonderfully different
That’s my favorite place
Where there are small stairs
You can hardly walk up
Covered with a nasty, dark, green carpet
That’s my favorite place
With a fire pit in the back
Where we conversed and gazed
On beautiful, cool nights
That’s my favorite place
I feel loved
I feel happy
I feel at home at this place
My favorite place

Feeding the Enemy

2007-05-20T18:45:00.000-07:00

My enemy
Hate cutting life
Like a knife through butter
Not even caring what it leaves behind
Sadness, pain, and newly formed hate
Killing even more
My enemy
The sound of hate
Brings fire to my eyes
My enemy
Everyone has jealousy
Jealousy turns into hate
Once someone hates
It spreads faster then bacteria
To everyone
My enemy
Cares for nothing
Except causing pain
I hate my enemy
Therefore I am feeding my enemy
Causing it to grow
Causing pain to others
Causing sadness to form
I just wanted to love
But I hated and ruined everything
I am my enemy

Dreams

2007-05-20T18:32:00.000-07:00

Are dreams a way to escape the real world?
Or are they what we just wish to happen?
Do dreams have a purpose?
Do we need dreams?
If we didn’t have dreams
We wouldn’t be able to work out the problems we have in our lives
We would go crazy
We would be short tempered
We would be violent
That’s why dreams were made
To tame the savage beasts in us
It is also an escape from all the pain of the real world
Dreams are my escape to a perfect existence
With no pain
No suffering
No hate
No lies
Nothing evil
Only good
Evil is another story
Evil comes in the form of nightmares
Good comes in the form of dreams

When We Die

2007-05-20T16:03:00.000-07:00

When we die
Who will remember us?
Who will still love us?
Who will know we are still here in spirit?
We are just one person
In the great chain of life
And when we leave
A burden leaves someone’s shoulders
A weight they had to carry
When we die
Will we live happy in another world?
Will we live in heaven?
Will we die and be born again?
What will happen when we die?
No one knows except for the dead
But they can’t tell us
Its their secret

Falling Off The Edge

2007-05-20T14:55:00.001-07:00

We are born small and naked
We depend on someone
We live, learn, grow, and become strong
We start slipping
We learn of the past
To make the future better
We have fewer dependants
We want to break free
We are slipping towards the edge
We leave the house and live on our own
We forget the things we really need to know
We come closer to the edge
We loose our memories of the past
We create memories of the present
As we forget more of our past lives
We become new people
Then when we forget our family
And the ones we love
We fall off the cliff
Into the broken memories that were lost
And will always be lost within ourselves
Never to be seen again

Solitary Shell

2007-05-19T18:43:00.000-07:00

We live
We die
We feel pain
It is just part of life
We get to know someone
And then they leave
You are filled with pain and sorrow
You go in to your solitary shell
Then you are different
You have to become self sufficient
You don’t get close to anyone
For fear of your heart being ripped apart again
For fear of loving and then having to let go
Fear of leaving your solitary shell
And everything falling to pieces
In the real world
The world filled with pain
Not your world, your solitary shell

Unnoticed

2007-05-19T13:09:00.000-07:00

A child alone
Living in the shadows of the dark
He lives unnoticed
He sits and waits for the day
To pass away unnoticed
Like one star in the universe
If he goes no one will know
Because there are a billion more
To cover up the space of his absence
He left unnoticed
By everyone

~I feel this is my best poem!~

Sun

2007-05-19T13:01:00.000-07:00

The sun, a heart
Pumping all things with heat
Bringing me to life
Causing me to die
Bringing others to life
Causing them to die
Like planets in the universe
Planets revolving around the sun
If the sun dies
So do we
So does everything
And we end up with nothing
We start all over

I Am

2007-05-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

I am smart and responsible
I wonder what the world will be like in the future
I hear the beating of my heart when I am scared
I see the stars so bright in the middle of the day
I want my dog to live forever
I am smart and responsible
I pretend I am a teacher
I feel the weight of the stars on my shoulder
I touch the sun which is like a heart
I worry about the soldiers in wars
I cry when my mom is on the other side of the world
I am smart and responsible
I understand how hard it is to make new friends
I say i care about Earth
I dream about life
I try to do my best at everything
I hope the future is bright
I am smart and responsible

Airplanes

2007-05-19T12:43:00.000-07:00

As I fly across the land
People stare and wave their hand
As they watch me fly on by
Can they see me waving hi?

Trust

2007-05-19T12:41:00.000-07:00

I am up, down, and all around
I am what people count on when they are down
To hold them and keep them safe and sound
I can also cause frowns to turn upside down
When happy, mad, or sad
At times i can be vary bad
I can also help a lad
Get trough to his dad
To help make new friends
And wounds i will mend
I bring happiness when you hear my sound
I am up, down, and all around
I am trust

Stuffed With Hay

2007-05-19T12:40:00.000-07:00

Every morning i get restuffed with hay and set up again
After my stuffing, I have to stand really tall
And yet I feel small
But who would take my word For I am a play toy for the birds
Who try to get by to get the corn I guard
Then they cheep, squawk, and fly at me
Until I scream, they all go flying North, South, East, West
Which ever way is the best
But I don't care because the sun comes down soon I can have some rest
So I will be ready for the next days challange
I am a scarecrow

Lemons and Limes

2007-05-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

Lacy loves lemony, leomade
That she can only get in London
Larry likes long, loopy, licorice
That's from Liverpool
Lou likes lousy, limbuger
Thats from lower Luxemburg
Lou, Larry, and Lacy loath limes From Lima

Are We Willing

2007-05-19T12:35:00.000-07:00

Are we willing to be nice?
Are we willing to forgive others?
Are we willing to make new friends?
Are we willing to have fun around others?
Are we willing to give to others and expect nothing back?
Are we willing to give it our all?
Are we willing to fix problems, instead of ingoring them?
Are we willing to accept the truth?
Are we willing to accept the pase?
Are we willing to change the future?
Are we willing to accept ourselves for who we are?
Are we willing to do what is needed to be done?
If we were willing to do anyting
the world would be different

Love

2007-01-13T12:03:00.001-08:00

To some love is nothing

To some love is a lot

To some love is in the air

To others love is not

Some people give love

And others won't

Some expect love

And others don't

Love will stick to you and me

Love will forgive and forget

Yet some people won't

But some will regret

That they didn't give love

To the ones they care about

And the ones they need

To help them work out

This world they live in

Love is everywhere